She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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