Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
