i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
