I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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