i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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