I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
