it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
