I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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