1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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