we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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