so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
