The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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