why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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