Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
