The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
