I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We left an ass print on the piano.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sobbing to NWA
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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