just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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