Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
