Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
