if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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