I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It was a blind-side dick pic.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
