So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
