Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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