And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
