whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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