i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I need moral support for this bender
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
