Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's the barista slut.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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