How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i think my cat just said my name.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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