Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
