She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
