You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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