I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
babies were throwing up all over the place
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
