I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
