Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
