smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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