Yo dont text me then not text me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
