So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
