M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Randomize
