whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
