You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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