i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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