I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
