I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
