i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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