Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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