i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You smell like stripper and shame
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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