You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
