I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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