he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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