it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
