just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
